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Lifestyle SAG

Barber Surgeons Guild – Do You Feel Lucky, Steam Punk?

To suggest getting a haircut with Brandan Barney is just a haircut is like suggesting listening to Sgt. Peppers is akin to listening to an unsigned garage band.

For me, “product” includes experience.  I’ve never liked mine hair and for most

The last time my hair obeyed my rules I was becoming a man.

of my adult life it seems like the feeling was mutual. When I was a kid, growing up in Beatlemania, the kids I envied the most were the Japanese.  Their hair was so black and straight.  Mine, on the other hand, was tangly uneven, unmanageable and downright Eastern European.  Throughout the years I’ve tried to sort of follow trend. Back in my early London days, the “Laddish” look was all the rage, as promulgated by Liam Gallagher of Oasis and previously anointed upon the noggin of Hollywood’s golden god of cool, George Clooney.

Give Me the Clooney

Back when I was hunk for camera.

“Give me the Clooney” sounded like something right off the sexual menu, but in fact, it was merely a “Number 2” and swooned to the front.  Also known as “the Caesar”, but hold the croutons thank you.  Well time moves on and several thousand tumbleweeds constrict me to “working ’round the gully,” that airline landing strip of encroaching baldness which stars at my forehead and extends backwards down towards my ass. So.  What have I got to work with?

Beards are a bald man’s second chance

Before Brandan mug shot.

My beard.  Multicolored fast growing malleable and by coincidence very trendy.  Women have often found my beard to be very sexy.  My last girlfriend used to grab me by the whiskers, pull outwardly, and somehow trigger her juices and I don’t mean fresh squeezed.   True, having a beard makes me look older than I used to be.  But therein lies the rub.  Should I literally shave off ten years or by keeping and in fact curating my beard, could I indeed time travel like Jules Verne, backwards to a time and place of steam engine cars, telephone tubes, and eternal hipness?

Barber Surgeons Club is a time traveling machine, taking you back to a land of quality not quantity.

I always thought Supercuts was a badass urban superhero. Fantastic Sam’s was going to a guy with scissors who thought a little too highly of himself.  A good barber is like a good doctor or lawyer.   And, all three can cut you if you’re not careful.   Most of the time, I’ve felt like I’ve unwittingly sat in the barber chair of Sweeney Todd, unwittingly awaiting my throat slashed.  I’ve had hair-cutters work on me, while on their phone.  Checking Facebook while they hold a sharp implement close to my face.   In and out and next.

Brandan Barney is a throwback professional

I always admire individuals who make a choice in life and do it.  Brandan Barney is such the man.  Fed up in other fields such as working for Apple and with a counselling major and a minor in biblical studies, Brendan decided to chuck the rest and go to barber school.   A professionally trained non-practicing therapist, a visit with Brandan is like an intimate and calm afternoon with your most wisest and caring friend.   He truly has no hidden agenda.  He doesn’t suck up to fame and has a big open heart, but doesn’t suffer fools gladly.  Brandan cut my hair a few weeks ago and I was unhappy with my out of control growing beard.   I didn’t even know what I wanted.  To say I was always schizophrenic with my beard is an understatement.  I like the way a big beard feels from the inside, but whenever I watch actor’s faces in film and television, I envy their chins.  Then.  I bought a hat.  A genuine Steam Punk Top Hat up on Hollywood Boulevard.   Just for a lark. Maybe keep my head warm, cover up my confusing nest of unhappy strands.

Steam Punk

Alas the man is transformed into the rusty pipe time travel zone.

Going with the apparent flow, I Googled “Steam Punk beards” and lo and behold the answer was dancing like a naked lady in the middle of the road.  I showed Brendan what I wanted and boom. He did it.  He trimmed my beard inwards from the jowels and left the bushy mustache, not only intact, by in wax.  And boom once again, a new Steven Alan Green was born.   Within 48 hours, I’ve had three beautiful women I never met before tell me I was either “cute” or “sexy” or “annoying them”.

Barber Surgeons Guild

Nestled in the semi-colon of West Hollywood, just up the road from Santa Monica Boulevard and on Larrabee, The Barber Surgeons Guild is an amazing all in one hair care battle station.  From the old timey function and look of turn of the century barber chairs to the extremely cutting edge outer space specialized machinery that does all kinds of stuff to the skin, the hair, and all of it’s gluten free and safe.

Like I said, I want the experience as much as the product.  I can’t wait to go back to Brendan Barney and sit in his magical time machine chair.  I know he’ll take care of me, treat me professionally and ask me how things are going and, unlike most of the lost souls in Los Angeles, Brandan Barney means it.

The Barber Surgeons Guild is located at 805 Larrabee Street, West Hollywood, CA 90069.  P- 310 975-7094

www.barbersurgeonsguild.com

For The Hollywood Dog, this is Steven Alan “Woofy” Green

Sag

3/31/18

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Comedy SAG

Suicide Hotline Comedy Show

A deadly funny show.

A deadly funny show.

Two weeks ago today, I got a text I didn’t want to get.

From my “friend up north” who asked me if I knew my friend Kevin was dead.  I called her and confirmed and began wailing like a sick cat.  I just couldn’t believe it.  Well, actually I could.  I’m gonna write about Kevin in due time; I’m still processing the news.  Suffice to say I’m “not over it” and perhaps can only “go through it”.  Suicide has been part of my art and real life for a long time.  Going back to 1973, when my cousin/half-brother (My father’s second wife was my aunt), Larry Kenton jumped to his death of one of the Park La Brea towers.  He was 25.  I immediately went into a 2 year emotional coma, just starring at The Match Game and spending my entire therapy session just bawling my eyes out.

The Laughter Foundation

Then in 2010, after losing everything; my home, my business, my city of London, my careers (because they were all in London) and being stuck in a similar tall tower of potential death, while my mother was in the next room in her last year and because I only had National Health insurance from “my queen”, the British government, I couldn’t get a therapist in LA I so desperately needed.  I committed myself to jump off the building “in four days” and told my family and they helped me find a really good therapy intern for $10 and gave me an old bicycle which I used to get around LA, because the City of Los Angeles stole my car.  Long story.  I started The Laughter Foundation to assure comedians would have health care and booked The Hollywood Bowl April 1, 2011, a show which – although had comedians lined up and committed such as Roseanne Barr – never happened.  Money to produce it fell through. 

And, of course, I cannot forget my own use of a gun to my head in my comedy act, whereby I’d tell audiences across North America and later Great Britain and Europe, that it was “my last show” because I was addicted to comedy and the laughter and that’s how I ended up producing big shows for Turning Point Scotland, a drug and alcohol charity launched by Princess Diana.  (I never say “late”; she’s probably on her way.)

Suicidal Ideation

So, last night I did this show and it was a truly great experience.  Produced by Roland Bondoc, Suicide Hotline is a live once a month show at Time Warp Records in Mar Vista.  It’s an oddly very entertaining show, which is part story-telling, part Vaudeville, part true confessional and of course, part comedy.  Wow. What a combo. I talked about Kevin and my own battles with “suicidal ideation”, which is a condition of psychological fantasy.   I’m still processing the experience of last night’s show, which as they say nowadays: “It’s all good”.

You’re guaranteed to laugh and be moved in this spellbinding show.

To find out when the next monthly Suicide Hotline show is on, contact Roland Bondoc or Time Warp Records.  It’s a free show!

For The Hollywood Dog, this has been Steven Alan “WHOOFY” Green!

Sag 3/22/18

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Uncategorized

The Naked Housekeeper – Folding Laundry

NEW WEB-SERIES

This is what’s so cool about The Hollywood Dog.  Got an idea for web-series?  Launch it here!  Here is my new web-series, The Naked Housekeeper.  Each week I will show you a helpful household hint and do it completely naked.  But (butt?) you’ll have to believe me ’cause I ain’t showin’ my bits in public.  If YOU have a household life-hack, and you want to record yourself explaining it, while being completely naked (as long as you don’t photograph any of your private bits), send it in and we’ll post it!  In the meantime, learn my well thought out philosophy when it comes to sorting socks, naked or otherwise.  Sag (my nickname, not my bits)

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SAG

New Creative Tsunami of Comedy Talent Hits Hollywood

Ya Know, I’ve Been Around

I’m a comedian and writer who first came here in 1959.  I was three.  Truth is I had it with being treated like a baby, so I packed my toys, told the parents what they could do with their rules and split my crib for the left coast.   After all, that’s what we show-bizzers do.  The family eventually drifts westward bound, not necessarily reaching for the brass ring; more like being in the vicinity.  My family moved to Beverly Hills and I grew up in showbiz central.  Comedy Division.

TV Commercial Age 5

My first professional job was a TV commercial for “White Front” department stores.  I know, sounds like a nationalist movement, but the “Front” store chain had color coded stores throughout the nation.  I think in the south it was Red Front, or Red NECK Front; don’t remember.  I was enrolled in acting school and was often startled by how much the entertainment industry was infused into the local culture.  Beverly Hills was a village of 1920’s buildings and one would often see the likes of Lucille Ball buying chicken at the local butchers or Groucho Marx going into Nate N Al’s Deli.  It was a way of life and because of it, I became a lifer.  In showbiz forever.  Flash-forward from when I started at The Store in 81 to today and there are hundreds and hundreds of really good (and some great) stand-up comedians, all vying for that Netflix special.

William Martinez is the Real Deal

A newbee to Hollywood is a young Cuban American comedian, actor and entertainer from Chicago.  William Martinez has that one thing you must have to succeed big-time.  He’s got talent and training, but William also has charisma. It’s hard to define what charisma really is, but JFK had it, George Clooney has it and Jesus Christ himself had it.  Not surprisingly because the word “charisma” means “Christ-like.”

William isn’t a god, but he does workout.

I first met William at The Improv and frankly, I first thought he was a bit too anxious to make friends.  Truth is he sensed something about me immediately that made him want to know me and once he found out I’m a so-called “legend”, simply because my name is on the wall of fame of The Comedy Store, well; the young comics are basically in awe that I was there in the day and am still around.  I’ve worked with William many times and he’s always a crowd pleaser, funny and professional.  I’m telling you, this guy can do anything.  And his impressions are spot-on. 

So, let me get this straight.  He’s talented and professional and good-looking and joyful and entertaining and young.  I hate him already.

Catch William Martinez at all the major comedy clubs in LA or at a comedy club near you.

For The Hollywood Dog, 

This is Steven Alan Green

WOOF! 

William Martinez on Facebook

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