I hate birthdays. With mine coming up tomorrow, I know I’m gonna get plenty of Facebook acknowledgements, a few phone calls and probably that’s it. It’s not a milestone birthday. It’s just another number. But, why are birthday’s so important? Why do they strike our emotions deep within?
My mother, dealing with an absent husband and impending divorce, she had to work and I’ll never forget her forgetting my 10th birthday. I was devastated. To her credit, Gloria Green made some phone calls and gathered up some kids in the neighborhood who all came over in a last minute emergency birthday party. It was the most awkward thing I ever experienced up until then, but what the heck; I was center of attention. Most of my birthdays as an adult have been celebrated with a few friends or just my then wife or girlfriend at the time, enjoying a nice candlelit dinner.
I don’t think I’ve ever been the victim of a surprise birthday party though. That would make me rethink everything, even to the point of who to trust. I’m a bit socially paranoid to begin with, you see. I think the world is plotting around me, not about me. Still, surprise birthday parties are the thing of sitcoms and one always wonders how they’re actually pulled off. I mean, isn’t there a bit of breaking and entering involved? And what if the birthday boy or girl has a weak heart and after the lights suddenly come on and “SurPRISE!” is yelled in unison, isn’t it possible an ambulance would be called, arriving on scene to pick up the D.O.A. birthday victim? Maybe that’s just fantasy. But, certainly an innocent way to murder.
For my money, I like to keep these things low key. After all, I didn’t really do anything to deserve a birthday. Nobody does. We just happen to pop out of our mothers on a particular day and it had nothing to do with us. Still, I guess it’s really not about birth, it’s about a celebration of who we are. That people like us. And, that we survived. And to that I say: Le HEIM!
For The Hollywood Dog,
This is the upcoming birthday boy, Steven Alan Green 7/10/17