Surviving North Hollywood – Comedy Time
Lindsey Lohan is not an animal, she is a human being…
by JOHN DiRESTA ‘The Hollywood Dog Whisperer’
After 13 long, lonely days in the joint Lindsey Lohan is finally out of jail. First off, who wouldn’t want Lindsey as a cell mate? Any man (or women for that matter) would love to be a celly of that well-built Long Island Lolita. Pure and simple, she is sexy, she brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘prison food.’ Secondly, you have to give Mrs.Lohan a break. With those upper-middle-white-trash-attention-whore parents the poor kid never had a chance.
The mother, Dina, is the epitome of an over-bearing stage mom that ultimately wants to be the star. And Dina has a weird mouth and bad New York accent. Watch here talk, her no-lipped mouth seems too small for her face and her Penny Saver caps are about 23 percent too large for that fish-mouthed hag. She looks like Morton Downey with a vagina. And that accent?! Jesus H. Crimony! She makes that skank Snookie sound smart.
Then there is the dad, “Micheal Lohan”, what a dick. A balding, full-fledged-hanger-oner of the highest order. This guy has never met a camera he didn’t like. “Micheal Lohan” is like herpes, he never goes away, ever. “Micheal Lohan” and Roger Clinton should open-up a Jersey’s Mikes franchise down in Plantation, Florida. Please. He is an expert on nothing. I can’t even look at him when he comes on the screen. He makes me gag.
The next time you want to judge Lindsey’s problems, take a second and give her a small break, she deserves it; she was raised on Long Island where the local heroes were Dee Snider and Joey Buttafucco. How YOU doing?
John DiResta is the real deal.
He was raised on the rough and tumble streets of Long Island, where all he did was drink beer, listen to heavy metal and make fun of people. If you got mocked by John DiResta then you were in with the in crowd.
After dropping out of two colleges (New Paltz and Nassau Community) John took the New York City Police Exam. On July 15th, 1986 John was sworn into the worst police department in the history of the world, the New York City Transit Police. For the next 12 years John stood in a puddle of hot human piss in the Coney Island Stillwell Station, alone, with no partner, with a radio that might work if he was lucky. The motto of the Transit Police was ‘you ride, we hide.’ John had nine arrests in twelve years. His gun was so rusted shut that he would have had to throw it at a perp to take him down. The only thing that made John’s job interesting was his homeless friends, with no one else to talk to John became buddies with hundreds of bums in the New York City Subway.
In 1992 John started his comedy career in the bowels of the New York comedy circuit. Five years later his one man show, BEAT: A Subway Cop’s Comedy, open to raved reviews. The New York Times called him “UPROARIOUS!” John quickly signed a huge development deal with ABC/Disney. John quit the police department and moved his wife and three kids to the west coast.
In the fall of 1998 John’s sitcom, ‘DiResta’, launched on the UPN Network. John then went on to secure very big rolls in the movies Miss Congeniality and 15 Minutes with Robert De Niro. During that period John made two very memorable appearances on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and the Howard Stern Show. In the spring of 2004 John’s show, Trash to Cash, premiered on the FX Network. John then went on to star in How To Loose a Guy in Ten Days and Miss Congeniality Two. In the fall of 2007 John began work on his next two TV adventures: American Body Shop was on Comedy Central for one year and Hammered lasted two seasons on HGTV/DIY Networks more