Whoa

My First Will & Testament

Steven Alan Green
Written by Steven Green

There have been things I’ve wished for and things foisted upon me I never knew existed.  Hi. My names are Steven Alan Green and I am the new Managing Director of The Hollywood Dog.

Now, many of you are probably wondering, why on Earth would a respectable journalistic electronic rag like The Hollywood Dog hire a two-time no-good scallywag comedian and writer to run this heretofore steady as she goes Internet ship into the disapproving shores of dark criticism?  The answer?  Swag.  I love swag.  The Hollywood Dog collar (which doubles as a smart phone) is my fave.  The truth is that my boss, the Honorable J. Maxim Poop, believes in recidivism.  There I was at the end of my own Steven-Alan-Green Mile, about to have 10,000 volts of god-fearin’ ‘lectricity shot through my tethers all because I was tried and convicted of a jury of my peers for the committing the one crime one never does in Hollywood and gets away with it.  Thinking.  I was snatched from the wooden chair of death and now, here I am.  As your Managing Director of The Hollywood Dog. Everybody say: “WOOF!”

“Yeah, Steven.  Congratulations, but could tell us over here what the hell a managing director does?

Good question; thanks for paying attention.  Basically, I’m the visionary.  I’m the man who steers the ship into fruitful waters ripe with interesting stories, complex personalities, and surprising news from the seemingly trivial to the I Can’t Fucking Believe We Missed That.  I’m your personal guide.  Like an Uber-driver for the soul, if you will. Or even, if you don’t.  I don’t care.  Why should I?  Well.  I’ll tell you why.  Because I look at life like this…..

manwashingdishesIf you were to ask me, Steven Alan Green, Managing Editor of The Hollywood Dog, would you like a brand new state of the art dishwasher for your kitchen, I’d say, thank you very much, but no.  What fun is it to rinse off a soup bowl then place it on the rack, drop in some soap, then hit the switch and BOOM.  Clean dishes.  Not interested, folks.  How-friggin-ever.  If you were to set my two feet in front of a kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, you’d see nothing less than a big ole smile trimming from ear to furry ear on Steven Alan Green  That’s because, folks.  I found the secret to life.  Which is this.  Everyone of us makes a difference.  Everyone.  Even if you don’t try, you do.  We’re all one big continuum of meaningless crap.  But, if we lead interesting lives; if we be on the lookout for little insights, and if we wake up every morning with the true dread-free exuberance of a school child on first day of summer vacation, then I believe, we’ll truly start to see each of our own lives as significant.

My job here at The Hollywood Dog is to bring you the best and most interesting stories of the people of Hollywood.  The day-laborers on every level.  All of them have that one secret dream.  The dream of being discovered.  We’re not gonna do that here.  What we are gonna do is to fill in the colors between the black outlines in a giant and wondrous coloring book.  As a matter of fact, we’re gonna create a few black outlines ourselves.

We’re gonna be on the lookout for you.  We’re gonna be here when you need us.  The plans for 2017 here at THD are to expand the format of Internet entertainment to include a wider view of reality.  Remember.  The old reality is dead.  Brick buildings, speeding cars, bodies working at the gym.  That’s old world.  The new world is The Internet.  My goal is nothing less than finding the middle ground between the two and presenting it to you in the format of print, audio and video blogs.  Blogs created by you, the audience.

Advertising on The Hollywood Dog

The Hollywood Dog has recently signed with a small but provocative Internet advertising agency.  Provocative because, like us, they believe that the best way to get clicks is to provide compelling interest.  If you wish to advertise on THD, contact us and our advertising sales team will reach out to you and show you the benefits costs factors.  Suffice to say, we are gonna have some new and unique stories which touch upon real life and that’s where your product comes in.  For a limited time only (now through January 31, 2017) we’re offering a special “Blog-vertize” package.  What this means is that for a special low one-time price, we’ll connect you with not just our ad team, but editorial as well.  Combined in one department, we’ll create a story around you and your product or service.  But it will be done so subtly, it will look like we’re publishing a story about – let’s say – fresh water fisherman in Idaho, but low and behold, there’s your ad for car repair right alongside it.  And somewhere in the article will be a mention of your company.  “The fisherman drove into the mountains, but only after they had their car repaired at YOUR COMPANY NAME HERE”.  You get the idea.  In other words, we here at THD have no souls left to sell.  Only good, and often sneaky ideas.

Anyway, that’s about it for now.  I’ll be blogging most likely every day no matter what.  It’s what I do anyway.  If you have a story to submit or an artist of any kind to highlight – even if it’s you, yourself — please contact us.  We are a social media blog for interesting ideas and people and entertainers are our forte.  After all we’re coming to you from Hollywood.  What could be more inappropriate.

Nice meetin’ you.

Let’s do business.

As you were.

Your friend and mine,

Steven Alan Green

Managing Director, The Hollywood Dog

11/20/16

 

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