Celebrity meet ‘n greet

Yesterday, I went down to the Westin Hotel by LAX to help my friend set up his table at something called “The Hollywood Show”.  And because of my daily good deed, I experienced nothing less than the Woodstock of fan-based celebrity convention.  Everyone from serious collectors to dedicated film and TV nerds were there in droves.  You could literally meet everyone from Linda Blair to George Wendt; “Norm” from Cheers, whom I ran into and said hello.  I’ve known George since 2,000, when I brought him to a big comedy gala I produced at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland.  George and Linda and everyone else was there to do one thing.  Meet some of their fans and sell autographs. Broadly calculating, you could talk with your favorite celebrity for approximately $6,000 an hour.  Added up over two days, that’s “Jaws” money.

The Shark

While it may seem to be a bit of a weird thing to pay to see some stranger move a black marker on a glossy print of something they did 30 years ago, nonetheless, this is what this Hollywood ritual is all about.   Big time important cultural celebrities meeting their fans and being paid upwards to a hundred bucks to talk with you for 60 seconds and sign your thing.   The big draw this weekend is Richard Dreyfuss.  Lines around the block.  The star of Jaws, only outranked by the shark himself and, of course, the film’s elusive young director, Steven Spielberg.  On board was shark designer Joe Alves, a diminutive man, responsible for the design of “Bruce” the shark, as well as the production design of Close Encounters.

Hooper

Richard Dreyfuss is an American treasure.  His incredible authentic and vibrant performances in such iconic films such as Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, American Graffiti, The Goodbye Girl, and one of my all-time favorite smallish films, “The Big Fix.”   I got to talk with him a bit, referring to himself as former class president of Beverly High, to which he responded rather directly – that the election eventually went to city council, indicating there was some voting mix-up.  Of all the great roles he brought to incredible life, Richard Dreyfuss will forever remain in my mind as the furry-faced intellect and shark expert Hooper.

Iron Balls McGinty

Also at the event were actors Elinor Donahue from the 1950’s family TV series Father Knows Best, 1980’s singer Melissa Manchester, the drummer from Dr. Hook, and acting legend Bruce Dern.   For me, it was like literally entering the back of the television and meeting all these wonderful characters and the real people behind them.  Perhaps my favorite of these celebrities was Carl Gottlieb.  Carl, not only wrote the screenplay to Jaws, he also co-wrote The Jerk with Steve Martin and was a staff writer on The Smothers Brothers, along with Rob Reiner and Steve Martin.  Carl also played “Iron Balls McGinty” who gets kicked in the nuts by Steve Martin in The Jerk; only Steve is the one who is left with a broken foot.

The Jaws Log

The biggest selling book about the making of a movie of all time is Carl Gottlieb’s The Jaws Log.  A great account of how this seemingly impossible movie was made and all the great adventure and personality behind the production. Written by Jaw’s screenplay scribe Gottlieb, the book is a must read for all movie lovers.  I highly recommend it.

Hal Linden talks bagels

Since I was working behind the scenes for one of the celebrities, I went to the special anti-room, where there was coffee and bagels for the special guests.   And, while I was waiting for my mini-bagel to get through its transformation in the toaster, some guy starts talking with me about how much he hates the fact when “they put jalapeno in bagels”.  I turned and told Hal Linden, Mr. Barney Miller himself, that I agreed with him.  And then asked him if he knew the British called bagels “beigels” (pronounced “Bye-gulls” in England).   He said he did not.

All of a sudden, I was as surprising at the shark in Jaws.

Sag, 7/9/17

Hollywood itself: Merely a dream

A lot of people claim to have grown up in Hollywood.  And, even those who do, I sincerely doubt them, simply because of the meaning of the word “Hollywood”.  Hollywood exists as an industry; the real estate part, scattered in the form of film lots from Burbank to Culver City.  The area known as Hollywood is actually not a city; it is a neighborhood.  According to Wikipedia: “As a neighborhood within the Los Angeles city limits, Hollywood does not have its own municipal government. There was an official, appointed by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who served as an honorary ‘Mayor of Hollywood’ for ceremonial purposes only.”   Hollywood itself is merely a dream.   The real showbiz town was Beverly Hills.

Growing up in Beverly Hills

The upper middle class section of the wealthiest enclave in the United States at the time.  I say “upper middle class” because the real rich kids lived above Santa Monica, on the same streets.   I grew up in “Beverly Hills; below Wilshire”, which extended east to about Robertson Blvd. and west to the curvy end of Santa Monica Blvd.  Below Wilshire, above Olympic.  Our parents weren’t super rich, but they had the highest divorce rate in the nation, so that was something to be proud about.  Later dubbed “the slums of Beverly Hills”, ours were beautiful tree-lined streets with charming names such as Charleville and Rodeo Drive.

A society looking outward

I went to Beverly Vista Elementary School, which in the early to mid-60’s was decidedly white, with a big Jewish contingency.   The only African American at our school was Barry Gordy Jr., the son of the founder of Motown.  He was good-looking, smart, excelled in sports and girls.  He just had to love him.   I remember watching the Watts Riots on a small black and white TV, thinking wherever Watts was, it had to be a million miles from Beverly Hills. When JFK got shot, a bunch of us 2^nd graders marched in a line, while chanting out: “We hate Nixon!”   We were a society looking outward; the only real question on our hive mind was “Why was Mrs. Wilson so mean?” and “Was Mr. Johnstone the art teacher, gay?”

Parents most powerful

The most interesting thing about growing up in Beverly Hills was who your friends’ parents were.  Sure, there were plenty of doctors, dentists, and lawyers, but there was also always the possibility that the mother or father of your friend was someone really neat.  My very first friend in life was a tall kid named Mark Huth.  We met in Kindergarten.  I think the reason I liked him was that he seemed to get me and my wildish sense of humor, but also he was tall and I was short, and I already knew how mean some other kids could be, especially after my off the cuff wisecracks.  Like any Jew, I subcontracted out my protection.

The Marlboro Man

Mark and I were true friends and part of the reason was that, unlike my parents, his father became famous.  Gloria Green, my endeared mother, was literally discovered in 1941 by a scout from Warner Brothers, who had heard her sing at a school recital and offered her a film contract.  However, her mother (my Grandma Anna) turned down the man.  And, so my mother became the ultimate showbiz mom, enrolling me in acting school at age 5.   But Mark Huth’s father was famous.  He starred in the 1961 film X-15, but was most known for his role as the original Marlboro Man.  Ironically, David McLean would die of lung cancer, but not until he established himself as an anti-tobacco campaigner.

We made dreams

The lessons of Beverly Hills are still a bit murky.  After all, we were just kids.  We didn’t have showbiz dreams; to us, it was merely a matter of going into daddy’s business.  And, in many cases, that’s exactly what it was.  Just another Detroit; only instead of cars, we made dreams.

Sag
7/9/17

Dante the Comic, has appeared on over 40 TV shows as a stand up comedian. Dante Rusciolelli was a cast member on season 5 of the NBC show Last Comic Standing. He has also proudly performed for US troops many times. In fact Dante has appeared for the armed services more than any other comedian except Bob Hope. As the record holder for winning the most B.E.T. Comedy awards you may have seen him on TV.  See him on tour 40 weeks of the year as he performs to sold out crowds all over the world.

https://www.groupon.com/

Writer, Producer Director

Dante wrote, directed and produced multiple films. Dante was a writer for Joan Rivers on the hit E! TV show Fashion Police. imdb.com

http://www.comicdante.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dantethecomic

Nothing makes sense to me anymore.  Half of today’s music doesn’t interest me, whatever the hell is going on in Washington these days, and signage. 

IT’S A BAD SIGN

First of all, bad, confusing signage that we see every day all around us throughout our daily lives and it doesn’t really have to be that way.  But it is.  Every single day I run across confusing and even contradictory signage all around me.  Things that – if I really thought it through – would make probably my brain explode.  Don’t get me started on the purposefully confusing parking street signs in Los Angeles.  I’m working on my mayoral campaign.

I’M PARKING HERE!

You need to hire a lawyer and consult clergyman just to be on the legal part of the street at the right time, therefore consequently valuable brain-time is taken up trying to avoid trouble.  The signs I’m talking about are every day businesses trying to reach out and reassure or sell us something, therefore to make us feel safe and secure by buying or using their product.  However, more often than not they wouldn’t pass a 7^th grade English class. Take for example my gym. 

INANIMATE OBJECTS HAVE FEELINGS

I can understand installing an alarm on a gym door because you don’t want anyone working out to be able to go outside and get some fresh air, but at least the sign should make sense.  Consequently, “Door is alarmed” is a badly worded and misleading phrase.  The door has feelings?  What alarmed it?  Was it given bad news?  Is it unhinged?  The proper wording would be “Door alarm is armed”.  I want my gym to not just run a clean joint, but to actively clean up it’s miscommunication.

INSPIRING BUT CONFUSING

And, what about inspirational signage?  Words and phrases set up solely for the purpose of getting us through another day and not forgetting our long-term goals? Shouldn’t they not be in proximity of a public service message to quit smoking?  Never give up?  I think giving up smoking is something everyone should do like right away.  I’d like to see the very smart minds that run a school think about the hidden messages they’re unwittingly giving out.  The schools teach our children, not the other way around.

TRAITOR JOES

Or how about basic marketing of food products.  I keep asking myself, are they chicken tacos that are tiny or area these tacos which are made from mini chickens?

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR IN A REALTOR

Finally, doesn’t anybody think content of business within context of modern culture?  If they think they’re being cute, then Kurt and Courtney realtors should sell houses that are great to overdose in.  I mean, WTF. 

Anyway, nobody’s perfect and thank God for that.  Keeps me very amused.

For The Hollywood Dog, this is Steven Alan Green 4-6-17

www.stevenalangreen.com

Friends are what really matters

Those of us – me and my friends — who are “in the industry” like to believe that we are working towards something.  Building a career.  Truth is only a very small percentage of us actually get anywhere in “the business”. We want break through the clouds, becoming a famous entertainment entity.  I’ve had my moments, my 15 seconds, as it were.  I’ve signed autographs to fans, and most of those times, it was not me asking them.  So, while I’ve got my dreams spinning in imaginary high-rises in my very empty head, screenplays being read by big important Hollywood decision makers could make all the difference between me feeling like it’s all just a bunch of folderol and actually depositing a very large cashier’s check into my well-worn lifestyle.

A living “Friends” bar and comedy club

Last night, just as dusk forced cars to decide whether or not to make the psychic leap to headlights, I was hanging around Melrose. Hanging in the nearby cigar lounge and decided to go into The Improv and see if there was anyone I knew, other than Eddie, the wonderful resident bartender and actor.  Started off slow, but sure enough just like welcome apparitions, friends and colleagues started to appear.  Comedians who are friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, others who I met last week and forgot their names, actual comedy colleagues I’ve recently worked with, and a young Comedy Central star who sat at the bar, sneering at everyone, whispering social oddities at his two bookended entourage dudes.

The bar at the Improv is legendary.

Les Moonves was a bartender there and now runs CBS.  Back in the day when founder Budd Friedman held court, it was quite uncommonly common to see the likes of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger sitting at “the table”.  After all, they weren’t just superstars, they were friends. The place was jumping in the bar and restaurant and zooming with brilliant comedy in the showroom.  I’m sure he won’t remember, and I don’t think we were ever formally introduced, but I one night in the Eighties in the middle of a busy night, holding my Martini, I turned to comedian Richard Lewis and said, “I understand they’re gonna start doing comedy in the back…”  He laughed.

The Seth Rogan Generation

And, though there’s an entire new generation of young comedians whom I’d never recognize if they were in a police line-up, The Improv bar still held the magic; magic which does not touch the powerful hands of agents, managers, casting directors, or comedy club owners themselves.  It was the magic of friendship.   Those comedians and friends whom I hung with last night, laughed with, made laugh, held court, and generally walked the same mile that all the greats walk, were indeed all unwitting players in the nightclub of my mind.  I had as much of a good time at the Improv bar last night as anybody.  Certainly more apparently, than that sneering Comedy Central comic.  I may not have been on the official stage last night, but at least in my mind, indeed I hosted the best show in town.

This is Steven Alan Green with The Hollywood Dog. 3/31/17