When I was a young adult trying to mimic what adults do, one of the things I was fascinated with were the Dean Martin Roasts.  The reason was because God-like Vegas type celebrities slung personal insult to the most vulnerable of them, including a 142 year old George Burns.  When I first heard about Roast Battle, it didn’t sound too sophisticated.  Because I was skeptical, and even after I saw it, I was dumbfounded how and why people would find this fun to do, and consequently hard to watch.  But then, I was led down a secret corridor by a young comedian who just came to town.

Al Bahmani is a funny guy.

From Houston, Al is a really funny comedy writer and performer.  Al Bahmani knew I was making a comeback and therefore thought that the Roast Battle might be good for me.  And since contenders choose each other, I should’ve been given an early clue that this is not a game of destroy the other guy.  This is a game of testing each other’s metal.  This is a matter of violent verbal initiation into the gang of comedians.  Just like the Dean Martin roasts made fun of George Burns age, so did George himself, who famously said, “Having sex at my age is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”  Self-deprecation is your shield.  You are Captain American Comedy when you hold the shield of humility in front of you at all times.

We’re all vulnerable; nobody is immune.

And so I took Al up on meeting and collaborating, to help each other achieve the best one-liners, no holds barred. When the big fight night came to be, Al and I met on the small but intimate Belly Room Stage at The Comedy Store in front of a wildly enthusiastic full house.  Host Brian Moses introduces us and DING! DING! DING! “Let’s ROAST!” unleashes Moses.  Al starts.  His were good.  Hitting me right away with “Steven Alan Green looks like Marc Maron if you buried him in a pet cemetery.”  BOOM!  Big laugh.

Then it was my turn.

I made fun of his name I think. It was lame.   Then Al again, then me, then Al, then me with my big one, which was so filthy, by all laws, I cannot rightfully publish the line here.  But, trust me, it was ripe.  By a very close margin, I won my first Roast Battle right out the gate.  I lost the next, tied for losing the third time, won the following one, then just lost again.  I’m scheduled to battle again for the 5^th time this June 6 at The Comedy Store.  Check it out.  I’m going up against another oldie, but goodie, comedian Adam Gropman.  It’s gonna be comedy dinosaur verses comedy dinosaur.  Should be plenty o laughs.  Be there or watch it live via the Periscope app.  Tuesday, June 6, 11:15/30 PM approximate start time.  The Belly Room, The Comedy Store, the one on Sunset.  The only one.

See you there, Adam.

For The Hollywood Dog, this is Steven Alan Green 4-4-17

Roast Battle.  Catch the Roast Battle TV show on Comedy Central!

Troy Conrad Photography

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www.stevenalangreen.com