GPS electric scooters rock! If you’ve recently been to Hollywood, Santa Monica, or any area of Los Angeles which attracts a lot of walking traffic, no doubt you’ve seen those new electric scooters, either gliding around a millennial, waiting on the sidewalk for somebody or dead in the middle of the road, waiting for an accident.

Between Bird, Lime, Uber and Lyft, pedestrians have an alternative to scooting themselves around town. The fact is, between Bird, Lime, Uber and Lyft, there are approximately 35,000 rentable electric scooters in town. That’s more scooters than you can shake a GPS at. Gaming on the new market economy, as well as advancement in GPS technology, self-renting electric scooters offer an alternative to one of L.A.’s biggest no-no’s. Walking. Truth is, it’s always been very difficult to walk through LA’s neighborhoods, in light of the fact that everyone else is zipping by in a car. I’ve walked for miles in other cities such as San Francisco, New York, and London and those places just seem made for the sport of walking. Here in LA, if one wants to walk, you usually need to join a gym and get on the treadmill. For some weird indefinable reason, walking in LA has always been for the home of the brave. There are plenty of “hikes” up Runyon Canyon, where actors and writers get their weekly dose of fresh air, exercise and humiliation as someone thinner, younger and more successful sweeps right by them. This is a factor of living in LA. No matter what you have, there’s always someone with something a little bit better. One of the rules of surviving in LA is to just get over it and on with it. GPS electric scooters rock!

More Than Affordable

Scooter rental prices are really quite reasonable. For Lime, for example, to unlock the scooter will cost you a dollar, then it’s 15 cents a minute. All you do is download an app on your phone, put in your payment details, then use the app to find the nearest scooter with a full charge and you’re on your way!  It’s a great way to get from here to there short distances, but can be dangerous. The scooters all come with a warning not to ride on the sidewalk, but everyone does it. Riding on the street – although I’ve seen it – can be very dangerous for obvious reasons.   So, for me to park my car a few blocks away late at night, then take a scooter home, it can cost as little as 2 dollars.  And when added up for the month, my parking costs are well below 50 bucks total.

Middle of the Night Recharging Elves

You may ask, how do these electric instruments get recharged?  Good question.  When all are asleep, indoors, and getting ready for the next day’s fight, silent men and women sweep up and down the streets, finding and collecting the scooters in their pickup trucks, take them home and recharge them.  And apparently they get good money for it too.  Lime calls their rechargers “Lime Juicers”.

Giving a Knee for the Environment

I live in Hollywood. Right on Sunset Boulevard. Parking around my place is nearly impossible. From homeless caravans taking up entire streets to local film production shutting down streets for filming to Netflix taking over the entire neighborhood, parking is becoming the number one sport of my village. I hurt my knee a few months ago and so walking is a bit limited for me at the moment. What I do usually when I get home is circle the blocks in my hood, trying to find as close a spot as possible. One that’s legal and will allow me to sleep as late as possible. And if it’s too far away and I’m too tired at the end of the night, I will take a scooter home. It’s actually rather fun!  I highly recommend it. Even though you inevitably end up looking like an overgrown kid.  And, at the end of the day, what’s wrong with that!

For the Hollywood Dog, this has been Steven Alan Green 2/24/20

Read more by Steven Alan Green.

Album cover art took a powder on August 1st, 1981.

That dreaded date will live in infamy, for MTV was born as it was the beginning of then end of the fetishization of rock n roll album art.  Soon shrunk to a DVD, iconic visual imagery of the music makers would forever (it seems) be relegated to the swift electronic flashes of the music video.  Music would devolve into assembly line production of electronic melody, beat boxes and choreography.  Marshal McLuhan was right.   The medium is the message.  Few music artists would not just survive the video onslaught, but would make hay with it in ways we couldn’t even begin to comprehend.  Bowie, Talking Heads, Devo, and of course Madonna.  Oh, yeah; and Michael. Those guys kept their videos music true to who they were as musical artists.  Dancers and other visual acts who happen to be great musicians. Flash forward a 100 years and wowzie; the Internet has spiked the ever-evolving youth culture into a new land of visual delight and explanation.  Welcome to the world of rock n roll photographer Mark Maryanovich.

Canadian born and America burnished, Maryanovich doesn’t just capture the moment like a wild beast, he invites it in and offers it a cup of tea.

Avidly aware of corporate marketing need, as well as the sacred trust of the artist to keep his or her message pure, Maryanovich meets both artist and suits halfway and does it without compromising either side.  Take for example his work with the late Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell.  The image of Cornell resting next to his Gibson electric is both symmetrical as well as conflicted; compounded in a way which darkens the green of his guitar, contrasting it with the purity of his bright white T-shirt, as well as the darkening encroaching Abbey Road like bricks on either side, giving the inescapable conclusion this is an important, complex and indeed ultimately doomed musical artist.  One gets the feeling Maryanovich is clever-er than he even lets on, which is always a delight when as one of the record keepers of history and the corporate curators of culture, not only understand, but employ artists on every level of product.

The glowing stage presence of Guns N’ Roses/Velvet Revolver bassist Duff McKagan is akin to photographic evidence of life on Mars; the clear depression of golden hair, sweaty skin and tethered leather second skin gives all we need to know about that moment, but at the same time, ominously too pure an image.  And that seems to be what Mark Maryanovich does best.  Not just capturing the right moment.  What Mark Maryanovich actually does is what all great photo-artists of his time do.   They influence our vision.

From book to album covers, portrait and journalism, like a really good singer, Maryanovich covers it all.

His work with women shows their power, their beauty, their intelligence and not in a fetishistic way.  Maryonovich and his camera act like keepers of the flame, as evidenced by the simply unadulterated clarity of his work. The observer gets the feeling that he not only loves what he does for a living, there’s ample evidence Mark Maryanovich loves his subjects. That concept compared to the all time greats, Adsel Adams loved his pine trees, Diane Arbus loved a good freak, and Annie Leibowitz loves Mick Jagger’s lips. Maryanovich loves the unknown, both the actual unknown, but also the unknown within the known. (Wait a second. Did I just say that?)

From book to album covers, portrait and journalism, like a really good singer, he covers it all. Ultimately, what makes Mark Maryanovich a stand-out in the field of personality photography is that he’s quiet, unassuming, and friendly.   He can afford to be. He’s armed with a camera.

To learn more and see his incredible work, as well as contact info visit markmaryanovich.com

For The Hollywood Dog,

This is Steven Alan “Woophy” Green

Sag

The Naked Blogger

4/9/18

I’m a comedian and writer who first came here in 1959.  I was three.  Truth is I had it with being treated like a baby, so I packed my toys, told the parents what they could do with their rules and split my crib for the left coast.   After all, that’s what we show-bizzers do.  The family eventually drifts westward bound, not necessarily reaching for the brass ring; more like being in the vicinity.  My family moved to Beverly Hills and I grew up in showbiz central.  Comedy Division.

TV Commercial Age 5

My first professional job was a TV commercial for “White Front” department stores.  I know, sounds like a nationalist movement, but the “Front” store chain had color coded stores throughout the nation.  I think in the south it was Red Front, or Red NECK Front; don’t remember.  I was enrolled in acting school and was often startled by how much the entertainment industry was infused into the local culture.  Beverly Hills was a village of 1920’s buildings and one would often see the likes of Lucille Ball buying chicken at the local butchers or Groucho Marx going into Nate N Al’s Deli.  It was a way of life and because of it, I became a lifer.  In showbiz forever.  Flash-forward from when I started at The Store in 81 to today and there are hundreds and hundreds of really good (and some great) stand-up comedians, all vying for that Netflix special.

William Martinez is the Real Deal

A newbee to Hollywood is a young Cuban American comedian, actor and entertainer from Chicago.  William Martinez has that one thing you must have to succeed big-time.  He’s got talent and training, but William also has charisma. It’s hard to define what charisma really is, but JFK had it, George Clooney has it and Jesus Christ himself had it.  Not surprisingly because the word “charisma” means “Christ-like.”

William isn’t a god, but he does workout.

I first met William at The Improv and frankly, I first thought he was a bit too anxious to make friends.  Truth is he sensed something about me immediately that made him want to know me and once he found out I’m a so-called “legend”, simply because my name is on the wall of fame of The Comedy Store, well; the young comics are basically in awe that I was there in the day and am still around.  I’ve worked with William many times and he’s always a crowd pleaser, funny and professional.  I’m telling you, this guy can do anything.  And his impressions are spot-on. 

So, let me get this straight.  He’s talented and professional and good-looking and joyful and entertaining and young.  I hate him already.

Catch William Martinez at all the major comedy clubs in LA or at a comedy club near you.

For The Hollywood Dog, 

This is Steven Alan Green

WOOF! 

William Martinez on Facebook

Perry will host each show to get it rolling and keep it rolling and interesting. He’ll also close each show with some form of improvised music that he will make up about whatever the audience is doing AS they do it and get them singing along.

The other main attraction is the venue. It takes place at The C.I.A., or CIA in North Hollywood. That stands for California Institute of Abnormalarts, and is clearly the strangest theater in Los Angeles. It sports a real theater room with a real stage, sound man, and theater lights, a separate room for beer and wine distribution, so there is no vending chatter in the room during the performance, and, mostly, an array of very unusual artifacts, including a mummified person in a glass case as you wander towards the patios. Lighting comes from above and through the walls with a strong Asian feel, giving the place the alter-name of Chinatown East. Colors are bright everywhere and it truly feels as if you are on a different plane of existence, with the ability to return to Earth by leaving the premises. You enter the establishment by passing a giant 15 foot plastic head from an old TV show, where the owner speaks to you from inside the head THROUGH the eyes and takes your money through an ear on the left side of the head.

Showtime is 9pm and admission is only $10, not bad for a really funny 2 hour show without having to travel downtown. The CIA is at 11334 Burbank Boulevard, just east of Lankershim blvd. and The Holiday Inn Express in North Hollywood, 91601, phone (818) 221-8065. This is adult material, but also some of the funniest in L.A.

As for the C.I.A., here ‘s a link to show you what’s in store for behind the giant head.  https://www.facebook.com/CIAbnormalarts   

Hollywood is an amazing place.  Literally anything can happen; and when it does, it’s luck…  

That’s been my attitude; the one that’s helped me continue to dream the impossible and literally kept me alive.  As my friends and fans know, for six months of last year, I was really struggling.  Just to survive. I’d been power-couch-surfing, staying on friend’s couches and, with a little luck, eking out a living as a writer.  Always good to have a roomie who can cook and clean and shop, so it’s like having a live-in butler and chef.  I never take anyone’s generosity for granted.

I was in Uber bad luck

Last November, just before Thanksgiving, I was living comfortably in a nice Hollywood apartment, paying $20 cash a night.  $600 a month for a room up at the Hollywood foothills, just below the famed Hollywood sign.  I had been driving for Uber and Lfyft for 18 months, doing long hours and making just enough to pay rent, feed myself and pay business expenses, including $20 a day in gas and an exorbitant $150/week to lease the car from Uber, plus special commercial insurance.

Well, I got sick.

Two weeks not driving and I fell behind in payments.  Uber repossessed the vehicle (to be fair to them I was behind two months because I wasn’t driving as much as I should have).  Then, my roommate kicked me to the curb.  Told me he could get more money for the room, “sorry”.  In one 24 hour period, I went from employed and housed and fed to unemployed, homeless and car-less.  And, hungry.  In LA, where you need a car just to drive to the bathroom.

Passenger lucked out with a writer/driver

Perhaps the greatest thing about driving Uber and Lyft in Hollywood is all the unexpected interesting people and connections you meet on a daily basis.  One of those rides was a recently widowed doctor who told me how she always wanted to write a book on the behavioral differences between male and female patients.  It was gonna be a humor book.  Well, literally being in the driver’s seat, I made a left turn and began my elevator pitch, selling her on the idea of hiring me to write her book.  We exchanged cards, and later, emails.  In those emails, we agreed on terms of the contract and were all set to go, then she ghosts me.  Stopped hearing from her. My luck had run out.

Enter Drew, my fabulous boss at The Hollywood Dog…

Drew knew someone who got me a beater car.  A 2004 Mitsubishi Elance.  Too old to Uber in because ride-sharing companies require you to have a newer car, ten years old or less, but a car nonetheless.  So, while I was able to get around, I had no home or money coming in.  And job hunting when you spend most of your day trying to find a place to sleep is hard, if not impossible.

Then, luck.

A good friend, fellow comedian, in Hollywood offered me a bed in his apartment for free until May 1, when I’d have to start paying rent.  That’s one problem down. Still no income.  I applied to Trader Joes, but they didn’t hire me.  In the mean time, I signed up with a telemarketing company and still waiting to hear back.  Really what wanted my old job back.  As a driver.  Or, with a little luck, as a writer again.

The luck of Dorian

So, this morning, I go to my local Starbucks to work online.  To write screenplays and search for work and build The Laughter Foundation.  What happens?  My car goes dead.  Battery.  I had jumper cables, but the problem was that my car was wedged in between a cement island in the parking lot and a van.  A van with “The Magic of Dorian” and a phone number on the outside.  I called the number.  A nice man who was in Starbucks, a magician named Dorian, came out and gave me a jump.  He’s a really great guy and from what I can see, a really well-respected magician.  Check him out!

Never get out of the boat

I went back into Starbucks to look for writing work.  BINGO! An email came through.  That widow I met in my Uber months ago.  I closed a multi-thousand dollar deal to ghostwrite a book for her.  So, there ya go, Ladies and Germs. There’s always hope and there’s always magic in Hollywood!

You just gotta hang in and soon enough, luck will come your way.

Paul McCartney’s With a Little Luck

For The Hollywood Dog, this has been Steven Alan Green 3/30/17